Reassurance
by Starr Rose
Summary: When Buffy is struggling with her relationship with Angel, Angel takes her to see some old acquaintances who know what it's like to be a Chosen One in love with a vampire. And a vampire struggling to make a life with a human.
1. Chapter 1

"Angel, where are we going? And why are we going there? I'm supposed to be on patrol. And we're supposed to be not seeing each other. You know, vampire-human. Vampire-slayer. We can't be together." Buffy was rambling.

"I told you. We're going to see somebody who's going to give us some insight on….well, on us."

"Oh yeah, you just know somebody who's going through the same thing we're going through?"

"Well, not exactly the same thing," Angel admitted with a chuckle. "But close. A chosen one and her chosen one. You'll like them."

"And they live in the woods?" Buffy asked skeptically. They were stomping through the woods, trying to remain quiet but twigs and branches breaking regularly beneath their feet.

"Not really. It's just through here."

They broke through the trees, into a clearing that led to a sprawling mansion with massive trees framing the pathway to the door. It was a gorgeous old style house with blacked out windows, all except one at the top of the house. Buffy whispered, "Did you bring me to a vampire den for fun, Angel?"

"No, I brought you to visit somebody. Just, try not to stake anybody. These vampires, they're more like me than they are anyone else."

"So they all have their souls?"

"No. But…they're…more friendly towards humans. You'll see why once we get inside. Come on."

He took his hand in hers and pulled her forwards, towards the house. She put up little resistance and followed along. Once they were closer to the front door, she hissed again, "Angel, this house is big enough to house thirty vamps."

"Closer to thirty five," Angel corrected. "All peaceful. The power they serve doesn't allow for violence. Ever. You'll see."

With that, he raised his hand and knocked heavily on the door four times. He informed her, "We still have to be invited inside."

"Vampires have to invite each other into their own house?" Buffy questioned snarkily. "Seems like the evil inside would invite more evil."

"Like I said, they're a little different." With that, the door swung open to reveal a short, dark haired vampire sporting reading glasses and a business suit.

"Angel," he greeted, "nice to see you. And who is this?"

"This is Buffy. Fawn will want to meet her. Is she asleep?"

"No. She just woke up. I'll call on her. Wait here until she approves of you being invited in."

Angel nodded and the small man in reading glasses turned and left. Buffy asked, "Shouldn't he be out hunting, with all the other vamps?"

"I told you, they're different. Not feeling like listening tonight?"

"It's just….Angel, we're not supposed to even be seeing each other and you show up at my house, telling me there's something important we have to do and it just can't wait. So I get dressed and ready for patrolling, and you drag me out to the middle of the woods so I think, 'Okay, maybe this is his weird idea of a date.' But nope, you bring me to a vampire den of weirdos and you just keep telling me that everything's going to be explained inside. What am I supposed to do?"

"Just…."

The door swung open to reveal a girl smaller than the vampire in the reading glasses. She was wearing a long purple velvety dress and her blonde hair was piled in sweeping ringlets on her head. Buffy sighed, "You brought me to meet a girl from a Jane Austen novel? Are the vampires not even trying to dress like they're from this century anymore?"

"Oh, I'm not from this century," the girl cheered with an excited smile. "I'm from a very long time ago. James, come look! Look who's come to visit."

Behind her appeared a vampire taller than Angel. He exuded it. The blood lust, the soullessness, the quiet sex appeal. His dark hair was tousled as if he'd just woken up and his deep blue eyes were dark and light all at the same time. He was dressed in a black suit. He wrapped his arms around the tiny girl's waist and rested his chin on top of her head. Barely moving his lips, he murmured, "Well look there, it's Angel. The lost son. The one whose soul didn't come from my little princess."

The girl laughed again and she teased, "Not him, silly. Though it is nice to see you again, Angel. I've decided to quite forgive you about the whole ordeal with Drusilla so it's nice that you've finally come to see all of us again. But, Jamie sweet, I'm talking about her. We get to meet the slayer! We get the honor!"

"Yes, we do, bunny." Buffy raised her eyebrow at the smirk that decorated the vampire's visage. "Now you should introduce yourself, since you already know her."

"Do I have to use the whole name?"

Buffy looked up at Angel questioningly and found him with a half smile decorating his face. He glanced down at her and nodded towards the couple in the doorway. The girl had her head twisted to look up at the vampire wrapped around her. The vampire who was smiling lightly down at her. Buffy wandered if the dark half smirk was a vampire thing because that's definitely what James was doing down at the girl. He informed her, "Yes, princess, you have to use your full name. It's important for people to know who you are."

She made a small whining sound in the back of her throat and James leaned forward to press his lips to hers for a long, what Buffy assumed to be hard, kiss. When they were done, the girl spun back to face forward and rolled her eyes before she listed off, "I'm Vengala Denlanite. Bringer of the Light, Keeper of the Dark. Decision maker and creator of knowledge. She who rose from the blood of the lamb to lead the lions forth into righteousness. She who is protected by those that live in the night. She who loves those without the souls and she who restores pain and fear to those who do wrong. But you can call me Fawn."

Fawn stuck her hand through the doorway and grinned widely at Angel and Buffy. Buffy took her hand and replied, "Buffy, the Chosen One. Vampire Slayer. Protector of the Innocent. Um…high school Junior and hopeful Senior if I manage to pass my finals in a few months."

That made Fawn grin wider and James cleared his throat. Fawn exclaimed, "Oh, yeah! This is James. He's my white night and my prince charming and the best man I've ever met."

"Except I'm not really a man. But you know that, Slayer. Bunny, would you like to invite Angel and Buffy inside?"

"Oh, yeah! Did you guys come for dinner? Or breakfast? Or what time is it James?"

"Closer to breakfast than dinner, bunny. Once again, invite them in."

"Oh, right! That's a good decision. Angel, Buffy, welcome to my home."

Fawn swept out of the doorframe and she and James stepped away, leaving Angel and Buffy on the doorstep. Angel motioned towards the doorway and Buffy whispered, "Are you kidding me? What does her name even mean?"

"It means a lot of stuff. She'll explain inside. She loves talking. And she's a huge fan of yours."

"A magical human girl dating a vampire is a fan of a slayer?"

"Yep. She's weird, but she's the only person who can give you a perspective on this. On us."

Buffy sighed but stepped into the house. She and Angel followed James and Fawn, who didn't seem to be looking back, into the kitchen. Fawn ordered, "Sit down, sit down. What would you like? Angel, blood? We have O and A positive. We're all out of B negative. Scotty is a glutton. Buffy, would you like tea? Or coffee? Maybe some water? Some milk? I think we also have soda. Jamie, sweetheart, is it called that in this century still? Am I doing it right? It's soda that young people are drinking, right? We also have some wine. Does the slayer drink wine?"

"Princess, shh."

"The usual, Fawn," Angel cut her off.

"Soda is fine."

The tiny blonde grinned again as if Buffy handed her the world's greatest compliment. She spun around and got to work. James hovered near her, a few inches away at all times. Removing things from the range of her elbows and tiny hands just before she knocked them over. Moving wine glasses before she had the ability to knock them off of the counter. James delivered the glasses as she poured them, smiling slightly at her the entire time. Buffy's eyes traced over James, watching him watching her. Fawn called over her shoulder, "So, what did you come about, Angel? I can't read minds, only tell you if things are good decisions or not. So don't think too hard about your relationship with the slayer because my brain is aching as I think about it. There's too much there to focus and I just can't…."

She froze and James plucked the wine bottle out of her hand as she pressed her hands to her forehead. With his free arm, he folded her into himself and massaged her scalp for just a second before he pressed a kiss to her crown and murmured, "Don't think of it, bunny. Shh. Don't think of it. Focus on the here and now. Not the then and there."

She breathed deeply for a second and then rose with a smile painted on her face as if her pain were nothing. James commanded, "Sit down, bunny. I'll get your drink. You're stretching yourself too thin again. Go. Sit."

"Bossy one, aren't you?" Buffy asked.

"He's my protector," Fawn sighed as she moved gracefully into her seat. "He always has been. He keeps me from being dead."

"And she keeps my afterlife lively," James grinned. He settled into the seat next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, handing her the glass of wine.

"The two of you are gross."

"I know you don't mean because we're vampire and human," Fawn laughed. "Because that's a laugh coming from the slayer. The slayer in love with the vampire. Good decision for right now. Later gets confusing. Later hurts. Badly. James…"

"I know, bunny. Come here."

He reached over and lifted her up to pull her onto his lap. He lifted the wine glass up for her and lifted it to her lips so she could drink from it. Buffy looked over at Angel and rolled her eyes. Angel just smirked. He informed them, "Fawn, we didn't come to get an answer about our relationship. I wanted you to tell Buffy about who you are, about your life."

"Oh, you're not looking for confirmation of your decision. You're looking for somebody who went through what you're going through. Clever, clever, Angel."

He smiled and Buffy demanded, "How long have you two known each other?"

"Well, Angel's 200, and I'm roughly fourteen hundred, give or take a decade or two. So we've known each other about one hundred and fifty years."

"You're how old?" Buffy demanded, her attention suddenly piqued.

"Well, I was born in 453 AD. Right before the Greek society fell apart. And Father found me when I was about six years old. I stayed six for a while. Until around 510. Then he let me grow until I was ten and we repeated the ritual then. And technically I've only aged to seventeen. So my body is the same age as you. It's my brain that's a little older."

"And you're not a vampire?"

"Nope. I told you. I'm the one bathed in the blood of the lambs to lead the lions to righteousness."

"What does that even mean?"

"Princess, quit being vague," James scolded. "Just tell her what you are."

Fawn giggled and asked, "How specific would you like me to get, Angel? Do you have school tomorrow, Buffy? Should I hurry up?"

"Today was Friday, Fawn. Which means that tomorrow is Saturday. And I don't have school on Saturday."

"So you don't mind hearing it all?" Fawn's voice was sweet and soft, searching. Buffy had to admit that it was almost adorable. Knowing that the girl was truly over a thousand years old, yet still innocent and gorgeous was confusing. Added to the little whine she made whenever she thought too hard about Angel and Buffy's relationship. She was a magical, sweet, slightly scary, vampire loving, crazy person.

"No, no, I've got time. Go ahead, Fawn."

She glanced at James and he nodded slightly at her. She turned back and asked again, "You're certain that, for some weird reason, you want to hear all about my life?"

"Bunny, tell them a story," James murmured against her skin.


	2. Chapter 2

I was a kid when Father found me. Greece was falling to the Roman empire and we were all preparing to die. I was an orphan. I don't know why I was an orphan. I've never known why. My first memory, the only memory, is of sitting in the dirt of this street and looking up at a man who was smiling down at me as if I was the most important little thing in the world. He had beautiful eyes. Yellow. Glowing. The moon lit him up like he was a God. He shone. He was brilliant. And he wrapped me in a blanket and told me, "I'm going to take you away, little one. Would you like to be safe and live forever?"

And I was a child. I said yes. Of course I wanted to live forever. Of course I wanted to be safe forever. I'd never known safety. Only hunger and pain. Hunger so bad it felt like my spine was deteriorating into my stomach. My body was eating itself so that I would survive. And Father took me home. He took me to this house, far away from Greece. We traveled by night. I never knew what he was, even when he showed his true face. There was never fear inside of me. He was saving me from the greatest evil in the world. He fed me each day and he protected me. There were others with him. Others who looked at me as if I were a snack. During the day, I slept where he slept, curled beneath his cape, safe from harm. During the night, he took me out with him and tucked me high into the trees so that I could be safe while he fed. I never even knew what he was doing. He would wander away from me to feed so I wouldn't see him, then return to me and tell me stories about the moon. He would tell me how it raised in the sky by great gods, so great that humans feared them. Raised to light the way for the children of the night. I didn't know what the children of the night were then. But I knew that they sounded beautiful and holy.

It took us weeks to travel to the place we were escaping to. A big, beautiful castle somewhere North. And when we got there, Father told me I was a princess. He told me that the castle was mine. That everything I wanted was mine. And he dressed me in beautiful robes and anointed me with oil and herbs, and bathed me in blood. I didn't know what the blood was then. It took me a long time to understand what I was being bathed in. It was the blood of virgins. But I was a child. I splashed in it. I reveled in playing in the big, warm, salty tub. And they chanted around me, and then I understood the universe. I knew what people were going to do. I was the great advisor. I could tell them whether they were going to die or survive when they did it. I couldn't look past it. I couldn't see what would happen. I couldn't tell them. It hurt to talk. It hurt to tell them. So I didn't.

I grew like that. The ritual has to be repeated every sixty years so that I don't age. So that I can be restored to health. But Father knew that I wouldn't be happy as a seven year old my entire life. So he let me age a little at a time. Nothing that would harm me drastically. Nothing that would draw attention to myself. Sixty years passed and I aged to nine. Sixty years passed and I went up to ten. But through all that time, I was happy in my father's castle. I loved my life. I was surrounded, protected, reveled. Vampires and demons came from all around to ask for my advice. To ask if what they would do was going to help or hurt their cause. My job was never to tell them what they wanted to hear. It was never to give them the answers they wanted. It was a simple yes or no. And that won me no favors.

By my three hundredth year, there'd been six assassination attempts on my life. I wasn't supposed to wonder during the night. I was confined indoors until I could grow and be trained. I started studying fighting and the occult. I learned spells, witchcraft. I wasn't just the decision maker. She who brought light to the darkness. I was a danger to those who wished to hurt me. I learned the greatest thing I could ever do. I learned to give souls back to the soulless ones. Which made me quite the enemy to the soulless ones, and quite the gift to my father.

After I learned to give souls back, we moved a lot. Father was the king of his estate, there was no question to that. We traveled, punishing those that did wrong. Punishing those that brought undue attention to our kind, that killed for pure malice and brought danger to us in our way. We would stay in a place for such a short time. Perhaps one life time, perhaps two. We never stayed for more than two revivals. We made too many enemies. Many of them died. Either after I gave them their soul back or before. Some of them killed themselves once they had their souls back. That was easier. There was too much pain in their hearts and they drove themselves into stakes. Father and I watched like we were the holy ones. I aged and the further I aged, the more like the soulless ones that I became. But the blood I was washed in renewed my innocence, renewed my health, and renewed my lust for human life. To protect it. To care for it. I was the most innocent killer you'd ever want to meet.

Then, we caught wind that a war was brewing in the new states. A young country. We ignored their first couple of wars. We had bigger things going on in France at the time. But the Civil War was our time and place. It was death and destruction and hatred and fun. So we moved there. I was sixteen at the time. Or my body was sixteen at the time. And, although I knew it was a good decision, I didn't like it. I was still getting used to being without a castle. We had a nice set of property. A sprawling acreage and a beautiful house, but no castle. I was a spoiled princess. But, in the States, I was allowed to wander as I pleased. So I did. And that's when I met James.

It was 1861. We'd arrived two years before, waiting for the tensions to boil over. Of course, there was a rash of vampire creation. Most of which died fairly quickly. And they didn't quite know that I was something to be feared. That I was a princess. So I became fairly used to being one of those that killed them. And it was tiresome. I loved the soulless ones. I didn't enjoy killing them. But I still wandered at night. And it was on a dark, almost moonless night that I was out at a well, reading poetry when the pondering entered my brain. Should I? Shouldn't I? She's weak. She smells of them. She smells of us.

"That is a bad idea," I informed the vampire in the shadows. "And I should know."

He stalked out into the moonlight and that's when I saw him. He was tall and beautiful, for a soulless one. He had the darkest hair and the lightest eyes I'd seen on one so pale. His union uniform was still tattered, ragged, blood stained. He hadn't even been buried. Simply left on the battlefield. He was so young. He'd been taken when he was barely sixteen. A baby.

"I'm so thirsty," he panted. "So hungry."

"Did you just wake up?" I asked him.

"Who are you?"

"I am a princess, sweetheart. You're confused. The demon hasn't taken full hold yet. You don't want to feed on me."

"I need to feed."

"Then go somewhere else. I don't have time for you."

"The sun is going to come up soon and I can't wait. I'm going to die of hunger. I'm going to die."

I studied him. He was panting, clutching at his body. His creator hadn't cared enough for him to move him out of potential sunlight. Create and run. It was the way they did things then. It was disgusting. It was cruel. He was a baby. I conjured a wine glass and informed him, "You are going to get a taste. Do you understand me? I can kill you if I choose. You don't know who I am now, but you will soon. If you survive past sunlight. Keep your distance, sweetheart. What's your name?"

I pulled my knife from beneath my skirt and he followed the path of my hand as it traveled beneath my petticoat. Then, it was typical for a woman to remain completely covered, completely virtuous. As I ran the knife along my palm, he replied, "My name is James. Umm…what's yours?"

His tongue traced across his lips, watching my blood drip into the cup slowly. I answered, "Vengala Denlanite. Bringer of the Light, Keeper of the Dark. Decision maker and creator of knowledge. She who rose from the blood of the lamb to lead the lions forth into righteousness. She who is protected by those that live in the night. She who loves those without the souls and she who restores pain and fear to those who do wrong."

"That's quite a name. Do you have anything shorter?"

"No." I clenched my hand tight and let the blood run faster into the cup.

"You said you were a princess, right?"

"I am a princess. My father is a king." I reached under my petticoat to rip off a piece of white linen, knowing Father would replace any clothing I ruined. I sat the cup on the well lip beside me and wrapped my hand tight in the cloth. I nodded towards the cup and he raced to reach it. He drained the cup as quickly as he could.

"Why are you helping me, princess?" He demanded after he choked down the liquid.

"It's in the title, sweetheart. Are you still thirsty?"

"Always."

"Well, that will get you through the night. I will warn you now. My family and I do not allow killing. We do not allow what happened to you. If I find that you become as Angelus and Spike, I will have your life ended. I will return your soul to you and you will feel as if you are burning from the inside out. The deaths of thousands will fill your body. Then, we will cut you to pieces. Beginning with your limbs, and ending with your head. Feed in the most harmless way you can. Do not challenge me."

"Well, you're not the normal princess type, are you?" He put the glass down on the edge of the well and grinned at me.

"I would leave now, if I were you," I warned. "Daylight comes soon and I can sit in it. You cannot."

"I'm going to guess that this isn't normal, but thanks."

"See you around, James."


	3. Chapter 3

Two years later, I found out what I was being bathed in. The blood of virgins. It took me a thousand years to learn that I was being bathed in virgin blood and I threw a complete and utter hissy fit. I was stupid to believe for hundreds of years that I was innocent. I was stupid to believe for hundreds of years that I wasn't part of something awful. I insisted that there was a different way to bathe me in the blood of the innocent. I insisted upon animals. It took twenty more deer than it did virgins, but at least I wasn't being bathed in human blood anymore. Which brought forth the nickname 'Fawn.' The vampires of the court though that Father would be furious with me. Some of the more hateful ones believed that he would rid himself of me, that he would get rid of me whenever I showed discontent. But I was petty when we came to America because I missed my castle. But that was petty anger. The fit I threw when I found out what I was being bathed in made Angelus's massacre seem like a birthday party for father. Every single vampire that crossed me after I found out found himself or herself slayed, given their soul back, or severely punished.

So, finally, I got what I wanted and, instead of punishing me, Father threw me a ball. His little girl's first real rebellion. He threw me an entire coronation. He invited his kingdom. Every vampire he knew. He invited them all. Even James. Who arrived at the ball with the sole intent of having the king's daughter on his arm for the night. Of course, James had to swear loyalty to Father first. He swore into the court so that he became a protector. So James stuck to my side the entire night. He approached me across the floor slowly and powerfully, striding through the crowd as if they were nothing. As if it hadn't been two years since the last time I'd seen him. As if he were my life.

"Princess, I am your servant."

"Sir, it is a bad idea to even consider sinking your teeth into my neck. I know exactly what you are doing. It won't work."

"It is unfair that you are able to read thoughts, madam."

"I cannot read thoughts, sir. I can only tell your intent. And your intent is to sink those fangs into my soft, supple neck, which I do not encourage." That hurt. A spike ran through my brain and sank itself into my spine. I groaned and grasped at my head. I was only allowed to tell people, vampires, not to do things. Not what they wanted to do.

"Are you okay, princess? Do you need to step out?"

"Bad idea. I just…I just need…could you get me some wine, please?"

"One glass of wine coming right up. And then, princess, we are going to dance. I've traded my fealty for the evening with you."

And from that evening forward, we were never without one another.

**"So you're telling me that you met each other twice and all of the sudden you were special soul mates?" Buffy asked skeptically. **

** "God no," James laughed. "She was a spoiled princess and, as much as I was attracted to her, I wanted to eat her ninety percent of the time. But I swore fealty to her father. I wanted to be part of the court. Her father understood that and, for some god awful reason, put me on protection detail for her. I went from dancing with her to being with her twenty four seven. Every minute of my time was spent with her or worrying about her. But it took a long time to love her." **

** "Vampires can't love," Buffy sneered. "They don't have souls." **

** "Souls aren't the only way to love, sweetheart," Fawn smiled. "You and Angel are soul mates. Jamesy had no soul. He had heart though. He loved with his body. He should tell you. I want to drink more because my head hurts when I think about reading minds in the past." **

** "Lush," James teased, nuzzling her neck. **

** Buffy looked over at Angel and found him chuckling. She rolled her eyes and commanded, "Talk. It will be daylight soon." **

She drove me insane at the ball. I got her drink for her. I followed her around like a puppy while others talked to her and laughed with her. While she smiled fakely at them as if it were the one place in the world she wanted to be. She hated it. And I hated every time I had to let her go to dance with them. Her father spared no expense for the ball. The band was beautiful, and edible. Just before sunlight, they were fed to the court and turned. There were fountains of blood flowing, and a cake in Fawn's honor. And all the guests were sure to dote on her, to grin when they called her Fawn, and I watched her face turn sour each time they did.

Finally, when we were dancing, I leaned so close that her blood was the only scent on my mind. I leaned so close that I couldn't think of anything except for her, and I murmured, "You don't enjoy being called Fawn, princess? I thought it was a name you chose for yourself."

"It is. I prefer Fawn to the name associated with the death of innocent young women. But, sweetheart, they do not use it to honor me. They use it to laugh at me. 'Look at little Fawn. Look at the little human. Harmless, laughable.' Well, I am not a toy. I am part of this family. I am part of this court!" Her voice was light and almost singing. It was impossible to imagine her as harmful. As something to be feared. Yet I knew that she could have killed me as easily as breathing.

"What would you prefer to be called then, princess? Is there a name better for you than Fawn? More innocent for you than Fawn? Would you prefer to be called Bunny?"

"Don't patronize me. I'm hundreds of years older than you. I lived before you were even thought of!" She stomped her foot. She legitimately stomped her foot and I laughed and she hit me. She punched me in the face and stormed away, to the joy of all of the vampires around us. She stormed away to peals of laughter. And, of course, I followed her through her sprawling house. More of a castle than a house, though she'd actually lived in castles.

"Princess," I laughed, "calm down. I'm not patronizing you. I know what you can do. Besides, we should get along. I'll be your protector from now on. I swore fealty to your father. I swore to belong to you. Isn't that funny, princess? You were my first meal, and now I'll be your knight."

"Then, knight, you should learn not to irritate me," she huffed.

"Where's the fun in being near you if I can't irritate you, princess? If your father wanted you to get perfectly along with your knight, he would have given you a human. Now, you are wasting the grand ball your father provided for you, my delicious looking little thing. Has anyone ever told you how perfect you look in green?"

"Has anyone ever told you that I prefer blondes?"

"I've heard about your preferences, bunny. I know that you take men as you please. That those who wish for your father's favor line up around the block to let you take them to bed."

"Mm…well a girl deserves a little fun. Tell me that, in the past two years, you haven't found the lovely side of being immortal. No morality, no values, nobody to tell you that you're wrong. In the time I was born in, women walked in less than the prostitutes wear now. It's boring. I yearn for the time's when…." She trailed off and grasped at her face again, holding her head.

"Stop trying to tell the future, bunny." I reached out and grabbed her. I pulled her in close and held her for a second, calming her.

When she stopped whimpering, she shoved me back a few inches and informed me, "If you're going to be my knight, you mustn't touch."

"I wouldn't want to, sweetheart. Vampire-human, remember?"

"Immortal chosen princess. Remember that."

I led her back to the ball and kept her on my arm for the rest of the night. Her father sang praise of her to all that could hear, and then sang praise of her loyal knights, of her abilities, of her beauty. And, at the first pang of daylight, I walked her back upstairs, let her be tucked into bed, and then went to eat before I fell asleep too. Around one o'clock the next afternoon, I waited just outside her door. Her room was the only room in the house without blinds drawn over the window. I couldn't walk in, but I could look in the door and watch her. She was sitting in the middle of the sunlight from the window, in a simple calico gown with her hair down around her face and a book in her lap. The same book of poetry from the first night I met her.

"Fawn, princess," I called her attention to me. "Your father mentioned to me that you have your breakfast around this time. What would you like?"

"Bananas. Two. An orange. Some sausage. The maids know what I enjoy eating. Don't worry about bringing it up. You should be sleeping."

"You're awake, I'm awake, princess. Now draw the curtains so I can come in and eat with you when I get back."

"Bossy."

"Brat."


	4. Chapter 4

** "So a playful demon and a spoiled princess. How sweet. When did you start magically loving each other?" **

** "Magically?" Fawn snorted. "You've been around your Watcher too long. Not everything is magic. Some things just happen because of little tiny incidents. Little tiny things that add up to a great big thing. And a lot of anger and hatred and bitterness adds up." **

** "A lot of bitterness. She'd been bored for a century. I was her chance for a little bit of excitement," James said drily. "She enjoyed taunting me." **

** "I still enjoy taunting you, sweetheart," Fawn laughed. She leaned forward and kissed him. **

** "For all the bitterness, the two of you are pretty sweet on each other now." **

** "He grew on me," Fawn informed Buffy. **

I was racing through the woods, trees ripping from the ground behind me to block my path, branches falling at random. James was shouting my name, roaring it really. He hated it when I left the house at night. Of course, he hated it when I left the house during the day as he couldn't follow me. In the twenty years James had been with me, there'd been six attempts on my life, two that fed on me before James could kill them. Father wasn't happy with James when I'd been fed on. He considered it a failure on his part and I had to almost beg to convince him not to take my toy away. For as much as James and I fought and argued and he yelled at me and I cursed him (in the very literal sense), James was the first thing in a very long time that took away my boredom.

"Come on, James. Surely hide and seek isn't that hard for you!" I called over my shoulder. "Come and find me!"

"When I find you, you spoiled little brat, I am going to drink from you. All of you!"

"James, you always say that!" I shouted back over my shoulder. I turned, not looking where I was going, shouting fun at him, and I didn't see the cliff coming until I was right up on it. Until I was teetering on the edge, trying to stop myself from tumbling into the ravine of whatever backwoods Kentucky place Dad had us in.

"James!" I screamed for my protector. In all the ways I'd faced death for hundreds of years, I'd never faced it at my own stupidity. I'd been thrown from bucking horses, had my life almost taken from me, and people had tried to poison me more times than I could remember. But I'd never almost died at my own hand. "James, please!"

I fell forward, just as a hand reached out and grabbed my arm, yanking so hard that it almost came out of its socket. I looked up to see James's head peeking over the edge of the cliff and I looked down to see a river roaring below me. His face was contorted in something that rarely appeared in his visage. Worry. Fear. He pulled me up and I fell into his arms. He held me tight to him, tighter than James had ever held me and I cried. A century and then some of holding it in. I'd cried a few times, I'd had my sobs, but I had never cried like that.

"Shh, shh, shh, bunny. Princess, sh, sh, Fawn. Calm down. Calm down. Stop crying, bunny. Stop crying."

I pulled away from him to stare into his eyes and I cried, "You saved me."

"I always save you, Fawn."

"But this time, you saved me from me. I almost killed myself. I've never done that before. I've never almost killed myself before. I've been alive a very long time, James. And I've never almost killed myself."

"Yeah, well, you are an idiot," he taunted with his arms still wrapped tightly around my waist. "You're an idiot that is not going to leave the house for a very long time. You are not going to leave the house until your next revival. You are not going to leave the house until you are ready to be eighteen. That's two revivals, Fawn. Vengala Denlanite. Fuck, I never remember your full name, you little witch. You're not leaving the house ever again."

"Vampires don't worry," I teased through sniffles.

"Yeah, well. I'm not just a vampire, you little shit. I'm your knight and I'm very angry with you."

"You're my knight," I repeated.

"Yes, I am. And you're supposed to pretend to listen to me." He was lecturing me and I could see it there in his eyes. Right in the back. With all his anger and irritation with me, he was worried. For that split second when he'd lost me in the trees, he thought he'd lost me for good. That second he heard my scream, that second he heard the fear in my voice, it grew in him. James and I didn't love each other. In a weird way, we barely cared for each other. But, in that moment, James was the only person in my world, and I treated him as such. I grasped both sides of his face in my hands and I kissed him. I kissed him as hard as I could and I didn't let him pull away from me. But, when I did, I informed him, "You are not a good kisser, James."

"Yeah, well I haven't had a thousand years to practice, princess." But he grinned at me.

"Well, there's plenty of time now."

"Are you taking me to bed just because I saved you from yourself?"

"Is there any better reason that you know of?"

"Some people like to be told that they're attractive."

"I'll tell you something better, James." I leaned in close so I could whisper in his ear. "You are the one demon I've met in a very long time who doesn't bore me."

"Well, I've always liked older women."

"Well you'll just love me."

"Vampires don't love, sweetheart."

"Well, you'll get as close as you can without erupting into flame."

"Aren't you the romantic one, bunny?"

"And where did you get this scar?" James's hands were so soft. They were warmed by my body.

"A spider demon." His finger traced the scar on my back. It was one of the reasons I needed a royal guard in the first place.

"If it had been in the front, it would have gutted you," he informed me before his mouth came down on the scar.

"I know. That's why I have you now. You and your predecessors."

"Mm. My predecessors." James mouth traced up the curve of my spine. "And how many of them let these injuries happen to you."

"Accidents happen, Jamesy. Things made it past them."

"Nothing will make it past me." His lips traced another injury, slightly higher up, and he murmured, "How many of them did you take to bed?"

"Jealous, James?"

"You see, I have no reason to be jealous, bunny. For I am the one in your bed."

I rolled onto my back just as he reached my neck with his mouth. He focused there for a moment and I asked, "James, why have you stayed in my bed for fifteen years?"

"Because there is never a dull moment in your bed, my princess. There is never a dull moment in your life."

"So it isn't just my bed you want to be in then, James. You are my knight."

"I will always be your knight. That's what I'm here for, bunny. Now, we have four hours still until this house begins to buzz with the excitement of the night."

"And shouldn't you sleep some? Shouldn't you be prepared for your night? It is hunting night."

"I could just take a little bite of you before I go. Just a little nibble." He buried his face in my neck and I giggled and swatted him.

"Quit it," I scolded. "Get your sleep. I need mine too."

"As you wish, princess." I rolled onto my side and he curled into my back. His arm looped around my waist and he threaded his fingers through mine. He murmured, "When are you going to kick me out of your bed?"

"When you force me to," I replied with a yawn.

"I'll try to stay your hand, bunny."

I rolled over so I could curl deeper into James's side and groaned, "It's so hot in the south."

"Imagine how you feel, bunny. All you are is a ball of warmth. And you're pressed into my side," he growled back, his eyes still closed.

"Because you're cool and hard and this mattress is so soft and if I move, I'm going to open that canopy and you're going to catch fire. So don't whine too much about my little ball of warmth," I snarked back.

"Asshole."

"Such language, James. You should speak better to a lady."

"I just had my mouth all over this lady's body. I think I'm allowed to talk to her however I wish."

James and I had been sleeping together for thirty years. He'd been thwarting attempts on my life for ages and I'd been repaying him by annoying the hell out of him and spending my days in his bed. Of course, I was regularly visited during the day by the demons that walked the daylight hours. And, when those did visit, I was required to pull on a dress and join them in the sitting area. James hated those visits the most because he couldn't be there beside me, making sure I was safe. The day before those visits, he always made me train for hours on end. I grumbled, "I think you're taking a lot of liberties with me, James. You are my knight."

"And you are my princess. And I am the only one you've bedded for thirty three years, bunny. Don't pretend I'm just the one who saves your life. If it were that, you would have bored of me ages ago."

"So what are you, Jamesy?"

"Haven't you heard the others talk, bunny? I'm your Prince Charming."

"I was around when that story was written, Jamesy, and I've never heard of a vampire Prince Charming."

"Who says Prince Charming shouldn't be individualized to the person?"

"So are you saying that you're going to find me in a sea of women and slip a shoe on my foot to be able to tell if it's me?"

"Bunny, I could find you in a sea of women by your scent alone. Dear God do I love your scent."

He leaned down and pressed his nose into my hair to inhale deeply and I taunted, "Vampires don't love, remember."

"I think any of them would make an exception for you, bunny."

"Including you?" I asked.

"Bunny, don't ask stupid questions. I'm in your bed, only with you. I listen to every command I've been given, except the ones which would make your life unbearably easy, and the ones you give in bed."

"That's just because you like it better when I take charge in bed," I teased.

He groaned and rolled so that he was pressed down against me, pressing his face into my neck. He commanded, "Go back to sleep, princess."

"Make me, Prince Charming."

"I will break your neck, bunny."

"You never will."

"I loathe you."

"You've loathed me for fifty years and you've never broken my neck."

"Yet…"

We were interrupted by a knocking on the bedroom door and I pushed him off of me so I could sit up. I called out, "Yes, Father?"

"There are people here to see you, sweetest. Cover your pet until the window is covered and then bring him with you. Do you know what time it is?" Father's voice was always filled with laughter, like he was constantly playing a game with me.

"It's two, right?"

"No, dearest. It's almost seven o'clock. Dusk will be setting soon. You can't lay about in bed all day. Angelus is coming to see you." Father's voice was filled with laughter as he walked away.

James groaned and wrapped his arm around my waist to drag me backwards into bed. He growled, "I hate when Angelus visits. And I hate you for keeping me awake all day."

"I dislike Angelus too. He's making poor decisions currently but they'll lead him to…" I trailed off and grabbed my head and James sighed.

"I don't understand why you do this so often, bunny." He soothed his fingers through my hair and down my back. "Princess, you are the most complicated, irritating human I've ever met. And that includes the ones I've tried to feed on who have tried to kill me."

"I like to keep you on your toes," I whined through the pain.

"I know you do, bunny. Come on now. Quit thinking about the future. Get your ass out of bed and get dressed."

"Crass, crass, crass," I scolded. "It's as if you're trying to keep me in this bed all day."

He rolled me towards the canopy on the opposite side of my window. I slid out of bed and closed the window so James could follow me. As he yanked his trousers on, I pulled on my royal garb and James slid behind me to lace it up. He said, "You've kept me up all damn day. I'm going to be exhausted through the night."

"Take a bite then. A little one. Just one to tide you over until lunch."

"You are too delicious."


	5. Chapter 5

** "You let him feed off you!" Buffy cried out, interrupting Fawn in the middle of her long winded monologue. **

** Fawn just laughed and replied, "And what else would you have had me do? Let him wander the streets, feeding on anything that moved. At that time, we didn't have the ease of the blood banks. We had some willing donors. Those we could pay a bit at a time to allow us to siphon from them. Give them money to eat, give my people something to eat, all without hurting somebody."**

** "They could have eaten at the butcher shop, just as easily," Buffy argued. **

** "Dear, that wasn't a thing back then. You must forgive us. We were so far behind the times. It was difficult enough for us not to allow our people to cut a path through the eastern United States. It was almost impossible to stop them from feeding. The most we could do was stop them from killing and turning. There were vampires fighting one another to build their own armies. We were doing the only thing we could to stop them. We were trying to reason with them." **

** "And inviting Angel did what?" **

** "They actually didn't invite me," Angel informed them. **

** "Angelus liked to invite himself over," James said bitterly. "He enjoyed shaking things up when it came to our little family." **

** "But Angelus didn't kill you," Buffy commented to Fawn. **

** "That's because I would have restored his soul," Fawn informed her matter-of-factly. "I do understand that it wasn't his time for that, but had he attacked me, it would have been done in a heartbeat." **

** "And I knew that," Angel replied. "Even as a dangerous murderer, I had some self-preservation." **

** "I was dangerous," Fawn chirped happily. **

** "You were barely present mentally most of the time," James corrected. **

** "I was very much mentally present! Those weren't even my drinking years!" **

** "Right. That happened when I left your little ass alone for more than five minutes." **

** "Or, you know, ten years." **

** "Bunny, ten years is nothing in your life time. Nothing but a drunken black hole, you little lush." James leaned forward and nuzzled her neck gently. **

** "Oh, please continue speaking in riddles to one another while you practically have sex in front of us. It's truly adding to the story," Buffy said sarcastically. **

** "Oh, hush. You're enthralled. You're wondering how we went from Jamie telling me how much he hated me to the two of us being inseparable. You're curious, slayer." **

** "Oh I'm just enthralled." **

** "Hm. Tell her about Angelus's visit, sweetheart. You interacted with him more than I did. Tell her why you suddenly disappeared for ten years." **

Angelus only visited Fawn once every fifty or sixty years. Just to keep in touch with a branch of royalty, build a few allies, and figure out where he was going with his decisions. Of course, Fawn always told him that he was making bad decisions, but he wasn't there to hear about his decisions. He was there to make nice with she who lead the lions into the light. So, just an hour after sundown, Angelus showed up with blood still on his shirt sleeves. Fawn was sitting at the head of the greeting table, having her evening meal while her father and a few of his advisors were surrounding them. I was standing behind her, trying to get her not to hand feed me bits of raw meat while there were people who could see. I had enough problems being called a pet. So I was fighting not allowing her to do that while also not pissing off her or her father. And, of course, Angelus had to add to it.

"James, you pet!" he bellowed. Every time he walked into a room, he had to yell. "Good to see that you have the almighty Chosen One fully protected! And you, Vengala! What are you going by now? Fawn? It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Angelus, still making bad decisions I see. So many bad decisions and…" she raised her little tiny hand to her forehead and I knew what was coming next.

"Don't you dare right now, Fawn," I warned under my breath.

She snorted and reached for her wine. Angelus took his seat at the other end of the table and greeted, "Of course, this is just one of the usual meet and greets, Fawn. You don't have to tell me that the decisions I'm making are bad. Just here to see how you and your wife are doing."

"Don't call him that," bunny snapped at him whenever he visited. "James is a protector."

"James is neutered," Angelus laughed.

"Angelus," her father scolded, "you insist on visiting us. Speak to Vengala with respect."

"Yes, Sir Bantheazar. Fawn, how have you been? I apologize for missing your coronation. I was busy in Europe."

"I've been fine. It's only been fifty years, Angelus. I didn't expect a visit from you for another ten. You generally show up on the eve of my ritual and argue with us over which virgins we should use."

"Yes, but I hear you're not using virgins anymore. Very modern choice. Do you still allow your subjects to feed on them?"

"We do not force our subjects to do or not do anything," Fawn was regal when speaking with anyone she didn't see on a daily basis. "And we aren't actual royalty, Angelus. We aren't recognized royalty."

"Fawn, your father's protectors refer to you as Princess and themselves as your knights. You are very much royalty. Jamie, how have you been?"

"Do not call him that."

"James, how have you been?" he corrected himself.

"Fine. Dinner will be served soon. Fawn, do you want to go get changed into your dinner wear? I'll show Angelus to his room."

"Thank you, James. I'll meet you here in an hour. Angelus, you can catch us up on how you've been spending your time of late." She rose in all her elegance and crossed the dining hall, leaving us to stare after her.

"James, lead the way, old boy."

I led Angelus out of the dining hall and as soon as we were far enough that her father wouldn't hear us, Angelus started talking.

"Holy shit, old man, I see why you stay. The little human's got it going on. I wish you could have seen her back in her hay day. When she didn't have to wear half as many clothes as she does now. I wouldn't have gone as far as to swear fealty just to sleep with her, but damn she must be fun in bed."

"Don't talk about her that way." I couldn't have killed him. I couldn't defeat him that way and I knew it. Trying to fight him was useless. So I had to listen to him.

"Come on, James. She has you neutered. How long has it been since you've eaten? Truly eaten. None of this cold shit, pulled from people's bodies willingly. How long has it been since you sank your teeth into somebody wriggling and fighting you? Since you tasted blood when it was fresh and hot and full of fear?"

"Shut up, Angelus. This is a new era. Why risk death when there are easier ways to live?"

"God, she has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she? Do I smell love on you, James? Are you tainted by humans?"

"I'm tainted by nothing."

"You are. God, you love her." The way he laughed at human emotion irritated me. He poked at me. He was truly working hard to get under my skin.

"Love is a human emotion. I'm a demon."

He snorted. "Barely. We've all heard about you being Fawn's lapdog. About you sleeping in the same bed as her every day. About her feeding you. About the punishment you give those who dare mess with her. The nickname for her. I've never heard any of the other knights call her bunny. You're in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her."

"You're not in love with her?"

"No."

"Then take your break. You've been with her for fifty years. You get a break. Talk to Bantheazar. Tell him you want to take a break. Come with me and I'll show you what you've been missing. You'll spend a little time with me and then show up again in ten years."

"No." But he was getting under my skin.

"Come on. How about this? In the morning, when you crawl into her bed, think about it. How long has it been since you've been away from her for one day? How long has it been since you've been away from her for longer than a few hours? Ten years is the blink of an eye to her. To us. If you don't love her, it's nothing."

"I've sworn fealty. I'm unable to just leave."

"Oh please. Bantheazar will give you a reprieve. You've been with his little pet for fifty years, James. You've done your time. Tell him you will be taking leave and will return upon her next renewing. He will let you go. You just have to be willing to ask him. Are you willing to leave behind your little love?"

"I am not in love with her. This is your room." I left him at his room and I went to Fawn's room, our room. I hadn't lived in my own room for several years. It wasn't like current times. When a significant other had a drawer at their lover's place. All of our things were intertwined. We had the same drawers. We shared everything.

She was in her underwear, pinning up her hair in the mirror. Without turning to look at me, she asked, "Is Angelus sent to his room?"

"Yes."

"Well, he'll only be here a night so you won't have to worry about him annoying us for days on end. Also, whatever you're thinking is a bad decision. What are you thinking?" She turned around and stared at me and I knew what was coming. She stared at me hard and I thought about how gorgeous she looked with half of her hair pulled up and half falling down and her makeup not yet done. And then she pressed the heel of her hand above her left eye and cried out.

I stood up and crossed the room to wrap my arms around her like I always did but she took her hand away from her head, put both her arms up, and shoved me backwards, hard. I said slowly, "Fawn, I haven't made up my mind yet."

"Yes, you have! You let him goad you into leaving because of what?" I was always surprised by how loud her airy little voice could get when she shouted. She stopped being a sweet, airy little individual and went right to being the Chosen One. "Because you fear love? Because you fear that it will make you less of a demon than what you are?"

"Fawn, calm down. Nothing is decided."

"Fawn! Fawn! Of course you've made up your mind! Jesus fucking Christ, did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think you could come in here and act like everything's normal and I would realize that you were wrong? You know who I am! You know what I can do! Why would you come in here and let me see it? Why didn't you just leave?" There were tears falling from her eyes and I realized just how human she was.

"Fawn, you must realize that this is something that needs to be done. You're very attached to me. It isn't good for you."

"Don't say this like you're doing it for my own good, you piece of shit!" There were people coming in the hallway. Responding to the sound of her shrieking. "You're doing it because Angelus teased you and your big demon pride can't stand being teased."

"Fawn, I think it would be best if I leave. I'm going to ask your father to give me leave for ten years. I will be back for your revival."

"Don't you fucking dare come back for my revival. You don't need to ask Father for leave because I grant it of you. You are released from my service. You are released from my presence. Get out!"

The door flew open and her father was standing in the doorway. He demanded, "Vengala, what is going on?"

"James has decided to take leave of our service." She wasn't crying anymore. She was staring at me with ice cold eyes. "He and Angelus have decided to leave this evening. I have need of a new knight. James needs to pack."

Behind her, drawers began opening and my things began floating out the door. Her father said calmly, "Vengala, do not make things float. It makes the other subjects uncomfortable. James, I think you should leave. I grant you leave for the next ten years. Then you will return to the court and we will discuss your return then."

"Sir, please let me talk to Vengala."

"No." Her voice was cruel and cold again.

"She said no. James, I will collect Angelus and the two of you will leave."

And we did. That was it. There were no other choices. I was gone for ten years. I roved the countryside with Angelus. Killing, destroying, drowning myself in the blood of the innocent so that I wouldn't think of Fawn. Drowning myself in carnage so I wouldn't think of the girl I left behind. But, sometimes, I'd see a girl with olive skin or a blonde and I'd think of her, alone in her castle. And I'd slaughter a few people to get over it. Then, when we were slaughtering our way through Texas, I got the news that she was sick.


	6. Chapter 6

It was underground. I was in a bar and I heard a demon say, "Yeah, you've heard the Chosen One, you know the Princess, is sick. Poisoned. Bantheazar is scouring the land for whoever did it. They know she survived. She's just going to be in a bad spot for a while. Lot of demons talking about going after her now that she's in a bad spot."

"Are you still listening, doll?" The waitress in front of me had a voice that was too sweet. Too syrupy.

"No, love. Shut up and go away." I got up from the table and crossed the room quickly. I didn't pull any punches. I just demanded, "What do you know about her being poisoned?"

"Who?"

"Who do you think?" I snarled. "The Princess. Who poisoned the princess?"

"I don't know."

I reached out and grabbed him by his throat to drag him close to me. I repeated, "Who poisoned her?"

"Let go of me!"

Angelus appeared over the demon's shoulder and laughed, "Whatcha doin', Jamesy boy? Why are you troubling these good demons here?"

"Fawn's been poisoned." I tightened my hold on the demon's throat and repeated. "Who did it?"

"Now, James, I'm sure these good demons don't know. Perhaps let go of him before you get into something for a stupid reason."

"Shut up. What do you know about her being poisoned?" I'd gone feral in my years without Fawn. I wasn't a lapdog anymore. I wasn't a pet. I was a killing machine and I was feeling something I hadn't felt in ten years. Protectiveness for Fawn. Righteous rage.

"Not much. Heard something going down with a demon out west. Thought Bantheazar will react to the death of her and go on a rampage. Carnage unlike this hemisphere has ever seen. They say she makes him human. They say she's the reason vamps are going soft. They want chaos. They want blood and terror to reign on earth again."

"And you want to have told me all this the first time I asked," I said calmly before I snapped his neck. His friend rose to fight me and I warned, "I asked him very politely what he knew. He lied to me. Get out of here before I do the same to you. I'm not feeling as generous as I once did."

The demon nodded and rushed to leave. Angelus chuckled, "I thought for sure you were going to get yourself without an arm there, Jamesy boy."

"Shut up, Angelus. I have things to do."

"You're going to go avenge the little princess," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

"No. Those who did this will be found. I'm ending my leave."

** Fawn put her drink down and informed them all, "I'm sure it was quite dramatic. I was dying." **

** "Tell them how you got poisoned and see if they have as much pity for you then," James said drily. **

** "I used to drink a lot…" Fawn began. **

** "You don't now?" Buffy interjected, staring at the wine glass in her hand. **

** "A very long life of drinking will build up quite the tolerance." **

** "It takes her eight bottles of wine to get a bit drunk," James said proudly. "She's my little lush." **

** "Cute. How did you get poisoned?" **

** "Well, as I mentioned, I spent a little bit of time drinking after James left. He upset me quite a bit. I was a holy terror to be around as well. My guards were terrified of me. When I was sober, I trained half the time and wandered half the time. They spent three or four hours a night just finding where I would wander off to during the day. I had god awful, blinding headaches and I drank to rid myself of them, which dulled me a little, which was why I didn't realize the idiot across the bar from me poisoned my drink. I thought he was thinking about biting me, which was definitely an awful idea. He poisoned me!" **

** "My bunny messed up because she was a drunk." He leaned forward and kissed up her neck and Buffy groaned. "It's your turn, princess." **

** She pouted but started talking anyway. **

James makes it sound like I was dying and laying weak in bed, ready for somebody to rescue me. That's not the case at all. I did lay in bed for three days, wondering if death accepted those who lived as long as I did. The immortals. People usually assumed immortal meant invincible. But I knew I wasn't unbreakable. I'd always known I'd one day sink. So I lay in bed for three days contemplating the fact that my ship was finally sunk. That I was going to die. So, when I didn't, it was anticlimactic. On the fourth day, I woke up around eight, stared up at the vampire waiting by my bedside, and informed him, "I want something to drink."

Matthew, the old vampire Father chose as a non-Chosen-One advisor, replied, "I'll call for a glass of water."

He rang a bell on the table by my bed but I commanded, "Not water. Get me a glass of champagne and some strawberries."

"Fawn, you're very sick."

"Matthew, I am fine, and you are annoying me. I want champagne. I'm bored. Champagne and strawberries. I know some were bought before I got sick. Are they still fresh?"

"Fawn, you cannot have champagne. You are sick."

"I was poisoned. You guys gave me an antidote. Now I'm just annoyed. Go get me some champagne."

"You're weak still."

"I'm irritated." Two of my guard appeared at the door and I commented, "You took an awful long time for creatures meant to by my constant protection."

"We understood that you were arguing. We didn't want to bother you." That roughly translated to 'We didn't want to risk your wrath.'

"Whatever. Champagne and strawberries. Thank you."

"Princess, we don't want to argue with you, but you have been…"

"Ill. Thanks, sweetheart. Be a good boy and, when you get back, we'll talk about what happens when I get better."

"Yes, ma'am."

The vamp on the right left the room and the vamp on the left asked, "What would you have me do?"

"I'd have you leave the room so I can get dressed."

"Yes, princess."

Matthew and the vampire left the room and I got up so I could change out of my nightdress and into my gown. I was weak, but I wasn't dead. I was lacing it up slowly when there was a knock on my door. I called out, "Just come in and sit it on the table."

"Miss, there's a commotion in the main hall. We need you to stay in the room."

"Ugh. That's not going to happen." I finished lacing my dress and then waved the door open. I walked out into the hallway where a vampire was holding a glass of champagne with strawberries floating in it. I plucked it out of his fingers and wandered towards the shouts in the hallway. As I walked, my guards' weapons floated behind me. I muttered, "Lazy beasts."

I walked into the main hall, still sipping my champagne. There was a group, surrounding a tall dark haired man. I called out, "Is this situation dangerous, because I am truly tired and I would like to drink and sleep."

The crowd cleared and I found James, standing above a kneeling, gagged vampire. He announced, "Princess, I've brought you the vampire that orchestrated your poisoning. I've brought you the culprit to punish as you and Bantheazar see fit. And I've come to return to my post as guard."

I stared at him coldly over my glass and waved my free hand so that the weapons dropped to the ground. I turned my eyes away from James and focused on the vampire kneeling in front of him. I walked over slowly, the floor freezing beneath my bare feet. I knelt down so that we were at eye level and stared into his eyes. I informed him, "You realize what's going to happen to you, don't you?"

I emptied my glass and held it out to the side so somebody could take it from me. The vampire just glared at me. I said slowly, "I'm going to give you your soul back and that's going to hurt. You're going to spend days in agony. Maybe weeks. Perhaps months. But not long enough to get used to it. Then, I'm going to take your soul from you again. And, just as you get to celebrate your one moment of relief, I'm going to take you outside and leave you in the sun until you burn. Do you understand that?"

He sneered at me and if there hadn't been a gag in his mouth, he would have spit at me. I stood up and flicked my wrist, allowing two of my guards to drag the demon away as Father swept into the room. Father greeted, "James, good to see you back. Good to see you've gotten the thing that hurt my little girl."

Father dropped his arm over my shoulder and hugged me to his body. I just glared at James. Father pressed a kiss to the side of my head and asked, "Have you decided what you're going to do to him, Vengala?"

"I'm going to destroy him."

"There's my little girl. Now go lie down for a while. You're still ill."

"I'm fine, Father."

"You're not," he chuckled. "James, you're back on guard duty for her."

"That is a very bad idea," I lied. Every cell in my body said that James was supposed to come back to my room with me. That James was supposed to be in my life. But I was very angry and I wanted nothing to do with him.

"You're lying, Vengala. I know when you're lying. I've watched you try to lie to me for over a thousand years. Now go to your room and we'll send some breakfast up. I'd like you in bed for a few more days."

I bowed my head down in obedience and turned away from James. I commanded over my shoulder, "I'd like more champagne."

I heard James whisper, "How much does she drink?"

"She'll be better now that you're back. It's just been the headaches have been so rough on her," Dad assured him.

It was much later that James actually came to my room. A knock on the door woke me up from a light nap and I called out, "I don't want to talk."

James opened the door and slipped inside. He shut the door behind him and replied, "Too bad. Because we are going to talk about this. You're a drunk."

"And you're a demon. Let's talk about other obvious things. Did you know that it gets really bright when the sun comes out? Or have you been missing your soul so long you've forgotten?"

"Bunny…"

"No!" I sat straight up in bed and yelled it at him. "No! You don't get to call me that. You don't get to pretend like everything's the same just because you wandered in here with somebody that tried to hurt me."

"They didn't **try** to hurt you, princess," James spat back. "They did hurt you. They almost killed you, you little asshole. You almost died and now I'm back to make sure it doesn't happen again. Because I don't care where I am. I don't care how far away. The world doesn't exist without you in it. It can't exist without you in it."

As James spoke, he stalked towards me, closer and closer. "Look here, Fawn, I had to hear from two demons in a bar that you might die. That you have a big target painted on your back. That you could just cease to exist. And you can't just cease to exist. You are immortal."

"Immortal doesn't mean invincible."

"Of course it doesn't. But you're still not going to be killed. The world needs you."

I stared at him and then demanded, "Why did you come back?"

"Honest answer? The answer that makes me less than a demon? The answer that makes the last ten years worthless? I came back because I was so pissed when I heard you died that I wanted to kill anything and everything I thought might have had anything to do with it. I came back because I couldn't think. I came back because all this time I spent hunting that bastard down was also spent worrying that you were truly gone. I didn't try your fancy way of interrogating. I ripped my way through the masses making sure that none of them questioned that I was your knight again."

"Yes, you are my knight. You are my knight that shouldn't be in my bedroom. I am resting. I am healing. I want another glass of wine."

"And I want you to be the perfectly well behaved princess everybody thought you would be. You're not getting any more wine."

"That's a bad idea."

"Oh hush, Fawn. I'm not one of these sniveling idiots that you can bend to your will. I may have been gone for a while, but you're still not going to get away with half of what you did with them. You may not be welcoming me back with open arms, but I'm glad I'm here because they've gotten lax and it's almost gotten you killed. This will not happen again."

"Glad to have you back, James. Now get out."

"No. I'll be in your corner."


	7. Chapter 7

"Will you wash my back?"

"No."

We were in the bathing room. James was sulking over by the door and I was stretched out in the tub Father imported for me. My guard filled it under the watchful eyes of James and I stripped slowly in front of him before I climbed in. I prompted, "Come on, James. I need my back washed. Are you going to let me be dirty?"

"Quit, Fawn. This is boring."

"It could be a lot less boring," I taunted.

"And you could be a lot more well behaved. Stop it, Fawn. When you take me to bed, it will not be because you're angry with me and want to prove a point. It will be because you realize I made a mistake and you decide to forgive me."

"Mm. Maybe hold your breath on that one, James."

"Mm. See, the problem is that I don't breathe, so I can wait on that, bunny."

"Do not call me that."

He chuckled! I heard him chuckle and I whipped around to glare at him over my shoulder. I sneered, "Do not irritate me, James."

"But I like it so much, princess."

"Now, James. That's not the way to get back in my good graces."

"Now, Fawn, god knows that's the only thing I think of, is how to get back into your good graces."

"You also think about me naked."

"It's not really helpful that you're sitting in front of me naked. Also, you're only going to give yourself worse migraines by trying to read my mind. You're ten days away from your ritual. You're not even at your best right now, so quit, you little shit."

"I love it when you sweet talk, James."

"I love it when you behave, bunny."

"You don't love anything, James. That was our problem, remember? The last time anyone mentioned love to you, you took off and disappeared for ten years."

That shut him up. I stretched my legs out and sank deeper in the water. After a long moment of silence, I said slowly, "I think we'll move North after my revival. We need a break from all this negativity. We need a break from all this heat. Don't you think?"

"I hear there's a land where it's night most of the time. But it'll be cold. You despise the cold. We should live in a more mild temperature. It's not good for your disposition."

"You're not good for my disposition. I could use the cold for a while. I'm not saying sixty years of it. But maybe twenty or thirty. We'd have to live in a place with people, so my guards can feed. We need to live somewhere where I can be alone. Where we don't have to worry about demons visiting us as often. Fewer people, less urge to feed."

"The more you talk about that, the nicer it sounds, Fawn. I could handle living out in the middle of nowhere for a while. I'd be a lot less worried about you. I wouldn't have to kill as many people."

"You don't have to kill any vampires. You choose to, James. I think you kind of hate your kind. For making you unable to love."

"I'm not unable to love, bunny, and you and I both know that. It's just a different kind of love. It's without soul."

"Is there love without a soul, Jamie?" It was the first time I'd called him anything other than James, and even I could tell that my voice was sad, forlorn.

His steps were soft, almost imperceptible on the cold stone floor, but I heard him approach and kneel behind me in the tub. As his hands dipped into the water to retrieve my wash cloth, he answered, "I don't know, bunny. Perhaps there is."

"Will we ever know if it's true?" I leaned forward so he could wash my back.

"It feels true to me."

"Are we ever going to truly say what we dance around?"

"Not until I've made it up to you. Not until I've fixed my disappearance."

"Well, I have an idea of how you can fix it."

"Anything you want, bunny."

Eleven days later was the gathering to celebrate my rebirth. I never truly got a break after being bathed in the blood of the innocent. It was always forward movement. Pushing forward. Never stop. Never look back. Father, as was tradition, threw a ball and, as was usual, James escorted me. But we weren't there together, as a couple. James was there as my most honored knight. And Angelus was there with William the Bloody as my most annoying dinner guests. Though, William was charming.

"Fawn, huh? Haven't met one like you before. I've been in Europe for a while now. Can't believe Bantheazar moved to the bloody colonies. Never pegged him as one for the colonists. You though, we all had you pegged. Bleeding little heart, aren't you? Cute as a button too. Have you met Dru? She's a blast. Where'd she get to now?" He wandered off.

"You spent time with him?" I murmured to James as William left.

"Yes. His….sire is quite interesting. Drucilla was driven insane by Angelus before she was turned. She's still quite…batty."

"You've spent too much time outside of our circle, James."

"Trust me, bunny. I know. Here comes the man of the hour himself."

James nodded towards the crowd just as Angelus sauntered over. As he reached us, I reached up to touch my forehead and moan lightly. James leaned forward to check on me, just as Angelus greeted, "There's the pet! And there's the Chosen One. What future are you contemplating today, Fawn?"

"Nobody's," I said carefully, my voice colored with the lie. "James, could you get me a glass of wine, please?"

"Yes, princess."

James released my arm and crossed the room, leaving me with Angelus, who repeated, "What future gives you pain today, princess?"

I frowned at his chosen name but replied, "To be honest, yours. When you come around, I can't help but look and see what deeds you will do this year."

Angelus laughed and asked, "And my deeds give you distress? Where do you see me?"

Angelus believed whole heartedly that nothing bad would come to him, so he never asked me if his decisions would be good or bad for him. I said half-heartedly, "You know I can't speak of the future, Angelus. It pains me so."

"Your pet is retrieving wine for you now. Just speak it, Fawn. You'll have temporary pain."

"I don't want pain, Angelus. I want wine."

"And James is on his way back to bring you wine. Now, tell me what I want to know."

"Is that a threat I'm sensing, Angelus? Because you do not need me to tell you it's a bad idea."

"Of course I'm not threatening you, Fawn. I'm just saying that if I'm frustrated, if I don't know that I will be safe in my decisions, I may have to calm my frustration with carnage, and I know how you hate that."

I frowned at him, but, on the inside, I was cheering. Angelus was doing as I wished him too. I said through gritted teeth, "Fine. Angelus….I see…death…death all around…and…the Roma…a girl…pretty…so pretty."

"Sounds intriguing. Where do you see this at, Fawn?"

I pressed my hand over my eyes and groaned. "East…Europe…Eastern Europe."

James reappeared and handed me a glass of wine. He leaned close and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to Europe. I think she's going to miss me," Angelus announced.

"Europe, huh? I've heard the Roma there are interesting. Is that where you were considering moving, Fawn?"

"No."

"Oh. I've heard tale that the Roma taste of everywhere they've been."

"Fascinating. Well, I'll leave you to deal with the princess. Glad to see that the two of you have recovered from a long absence. Fawn, happy rejuvenation."

With that, he spun on his heel and left. James put his arm around my shoulders and led me out of the room. When he passed my father, he informed him, "She's been doing it again. I'm going to take her to her room for a few moments."

"Thank you, James. Just bring her back in here when she's feeling better."

James led me out into the hall and we walked silently to the room. When we were in, James asked, "Do you think he bought it?"

"He seemed very into the idea of going to Europe. Though my head truly does hurt, James."

"What's going to happen to him in Europe?"

"You'll see. I'm so tired, James. I just want to sleep so much."

"Lay down and sleep. Drink and then sleep."

"Lie with me, James. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, I'll go back to being distant from you, but tonight I just need you in my bed. I'm just so tired."

"I will lie with you. But nothing will come of it."

"I know." James took his spot behind me to unlace my dress and help me slide it down my body. Once it was removed, I swallowed the rest of my wine and he removed the glass from my hand easily. I turned and unbuttoned his shirt slowly, sliding it down his body and tossing it across the room. James leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead.

"Come into bed, bunny." He walked backwards with his hands around my waist until he fell backwards onto the bed, pulling me with him. I curled into him and he wrapped himself around me. He admitted, "There are parts of me that have missed this more than you could ever know. You, princess, are the only thing that makes my muscles yearn. That makes me deeply want."

"And you are the only thing that I deeply want."

"Princess, Fawn, bunny, I am yours. Since the night I met you in that meadow, I have been yours. And I've tried to escape from it. And there is no amount of running that will ever do that. Everything about me belongs to you. If I had a soul, it would be yours."

"Sleep, please."

** "So, what? You guys just decided that you loved each other and that was it? He started loving you and you just accepted it? And you were the ones who sent Angelus off to have his soul taken away?" **

** "We sent Angelus off for his own good. And, no, we didn't just decide we loved each other." Fawn frowned deeply and James's arms tightened around her. **

** "Don't tell me he took off again," Buffy sighed. **

** "I was gone. Who was going to encourage him to leave her?" Angel laughed. **

** "Nobody was taking me away from her," James sneered. **

** "But it was different. James didn't think he was good enough for me anymore. It was never a problem before. We were equal. He was a soulless monster and I was an abomination. But, when he came back, when he realized how much pain he put me through, when he realized that he couldn't undo the damages I'd done to myself in his absence, it drove him away from me. There was a bridge that couldn't be crossed between us." **

** "I wanted to deserve her," James added. "I needed to deserve her." **

** "You always deserved me." **

** "Just get back with the story telling," Buffy interrupted before they could kiss again. Fawn yawned and James stared up at her, his face contorted in worry. **

** "We'll have to continue again once she's had some sleep. Fawn, we've been talking for most of the night. You need your rest." **

** "Jamesy, you are being much too worried. I'm fine," Fawn waved him off. **

** "It's fine. We have a few moments before dawn," Angel spoke up. "Buffy and I will be back around nightfall. Is that okay?" **

** "Of course. We've gone organic, so no more humans. Grass fed cattle only. We don't hunt at night anymore. Of course, I do go on walks during the daylight hours." **

** "Take your boyfriend with you?" Buffy asked. **

** "Not every time. But he does enjoy the safety of an umbrella while I walk. And sometimes we even go to a restaurant, if it's close to nightfall. Also, husband." **

** "What?" **

** "James is my husband," Fawn corrected. "And I'm his wife." **

** "What?" Buffy repeated. **

** "We'll see you at nightfall." Fawn raised her hand and waved it at Buffy dismissively and it was then that they noticed the tiny gold ring that decorated the ring finger of her left hand. James had an identical ring on his. She rose off of James's lap and he stood up as well. "Come, we'll lead you out." **

** James intertwined his hand with hers and Buffy and Angel stood up as well. Fawn informed them with a smile, "We'll have snacks next time. We'll make sure we're better guests." **

** "Don't worry about it." **

** "No, no. I'll bake cookies. I've had thousands of years to practice. I've gotten pretty good at it." **

** Over her head, where she couldn't see it, James winced a little as if he were remembering accidents over the years. He explained, "Bunny went through a little housewife stage in the 1950's. She had a sudden craving to be more human." **

** "You are human." **

** "I am fragments of a human. I will see you in a few hours. It has been so fantastic to meet you. To speak to you." **

** Buffy and Angel left, leaving James and Fawn to slip upstairs to sleep. In the woods, Buffy asked, "They're married? They love each other? How's that possible?" **

** "Souls aren't needed to love," Angel informed her. "Not every time. There are vampires who can love. I knew one. William the Bloody. But it helps now that James has his soul again. But he didn't, when he first loved Fawn. He didn't have a soul." **

** "And I guess they're going to tell us how he got his soul back as well." **

** "Don't pretend you're not interested in what they're saying. You've been the one asking questions and hanging onto Fawn's words. You're interested in her." **

** "Well, it's a thousand year old woman. Of course I'm interested. I'm sixteen. Who wouldn't be interested?" **

** Angel chuckled and took her hand in his. "So you're definitely coming back at sunset?" **

** "Of course I am." **


	8. Chapter 8

** "Can you believe we got to meet the actual slayer?" **

** "Of course I can, bunny. Do you want to be in this decade's clothes when she comes back at sunset or do you prefer a different decade?" James was at their closet, picking through the clothing. "I'm going to dress calmer. Perhaps…jeans, hmm, bunny?" **

** "Jeans sound beautiful. And I do love how you look in those. Remember when you did the bad boy thing in the fifties and sixties? Those black jeans were perfection on you." **

** "Mm. You know what's perfection on me, bunny?" James turned away from the closet and stared at her spread out across the bed, her journal on her lap. **

** "What's perfection on you, Jamesy?" **

** "You." He crossed to the bed to lay next to her without stopping her from writing. She leaned across the journal so she could kiss him. "Writing about your big day meeting the slayer?" **

** "She's the first slayer I've ever met. It is a big day." **

** "I'm glad you got a big day. The curtains are closed, our clothes are in the laundry hamper, and we're ready to sleep. Or not to sleep." **

** Fawn looked up with her eyebrows raised and teased, "Look at you feeling all riled up because you faced the slayer today and didn't get killed." **

** "Well, yes, this slayer is quite a bit different from the others. She asks questions. She allows room for moral ambiguity. I can see why Angel has taken such a liking to her."**

** "Liking?" Fawn snorted. "He's in love with her." **

** "And does he know of the curse?" **

** "He knows of parts of it. I can't think too hard of it, Jamesy. It makes me ache so much." Her voice became willowy and light and her hand rose up so that the backs of her fingers brushed her temple. James captured her fingers and brushed his lips over the tips of them. **

** "So don't think of it, bunny. Think of me, here and now. Think of your day with the slayer. Think of what I'm going to do when you close that little book of yours." **

** "Oh, you horny old thing." **

** "Who's the old one in this relationship, Vengala Denlanite? Bringer of the Light, Keeper of the Dark. Decision maker and creator of knowledge. She who rose from the blood of the lamb to lead the lions forth into righteousness. She who is protected by those that live in the night. She who loves those without the souls and she who restores pain and fear to those who do wrong." **

** "Oh, I love it when you say my full name. It shows dedication." **

** "Write your journal of the day, then I'll show you dedication, princess." **

** Fawn laughed and raised her leg to kick him a little. He ordered, "Finish your little book, my dear princess, so I may ravage you in the manner fit to a husband and a wife." **

** At sunset, the door swung open at Angel's first knock to reveal Fawn and James dressed in the decade's clothes. Fawn was wearing a pair of jeans and a crop top. Her feet were bare and the nails looked freshly painted. James was wearing blue jeans and a tight fitting white t shirt. His feet were also bare, but there was no paint on his toenails. Fawn greeted cheerfully, "Hey there! We're dressed for this century. I prefer James forty years ago usually and he prefers me from the moment he met me, but we know how to dress as if we are from here." **

** Buffy nodded and smiled weakly at her. James commanded, "Invite them in, bunny." **

** "Sorry. I always forget that. Come in. Come in. I made snacks." **

** "She was up and down half the day making snacks," James said dutifully as he stepped backwards, pulling Fawn with him. Fawn grinned up at him and started towards the kitchen. James paused to whisper, "No matter what, compliment them. Though they've gotten much better over the years, she loses herself at times and gets too distracted to remember that she's baking. I like to believe that today is going to be a good day though." **

** Angel and Buffy nodded and followed him into the kitchen where Fawn was pulling things out of the fridge and lining the table with them. James laughed and Buffy asked, "I thought you said you made a few snacks." **

** "The Slayer has an accelerated metabolism. I didn't know how hungry you'd be." **

** "Well, thank you. If I'd known we were having a feast, I'd have dressed better." **

** "Please, dear. This isn't a feast," Fawn chuckled. "I'll invite you to a true feast one day. You'll be my guest of honor. Cause fear to quake in the hearts of the lesser beings. Ah, it will be a party." **

** "It will be a grand honor. Fawn hasn't truly celebrated in a long time." **

** "That may be because of all the people who usually try to kill me at those celebrations. Though, slayer, it may be slightly difficult to celebrate with you as we leave when the new year begins. We go to join my father." **

** Buffy and Angel watched as James and Fawn worked like a well-oiled machine. She bustled around busily while James moved around her, picking up the things she put down and putting them back in new places, whisking things out of her arms just before she spilled them. They were an extension of one another. James said over his shoulder, "Go ahead and take a seat. This will take a moment. She's still got to get drinks. Buffy, what do you prefer? I'd like to not have her yanking everything out of the fridge." **

** "Water will be fine." **

** "Flavored? We have lemon, cherry, grape, and strawberry. We also have sparkling water, and three types of bottled water," Fawn chirped with her head buried in the fridge.**

** "Surprise me. Angel, what do you want? You know they're going to ask next." **

** "We have both pig and sheep blood and some donated human blood. Which would you prefer?" Fawn asked politely. **

** "Sheep blood is fine. Where'd you get it? It fetches a high price in this town, doesn't it?" **

** "I ran errands today," Fawn answered flippantly. "Jamesy came with me for some of them. We made a bit of a day of it. Thank goodness for overcast days. Isn't that right, Jamesy?" **

** "Of course, bunny." James leaned over to kiss her while he poured sheep blood into a cup. "How hot do you like it, Angel?" **

** "Lukewarm. What are you having?" **

** "I had a drink before you got here." **

** Buffy snorted and James said quickly, "Not from her. I don't snack from her often. She's my wife. Not a damn buffet table." **

** "Yeah. Time for you to explain that." **

** "And we will. Sit, please. I made a cheese ball. I thought about making two, so I could send one home with you but I realized it's just you and your mother. You don't have a…ugh!" **

** James shut the door on the microwave and looped his arm around her waist to yank her to his body. While she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, he punched a number in on the microwave and ran the other hand through her hair until she'd stopped wincing and calmed down a bit. Then, as if she hadn't had a neurological attack a moment before, she turned with a smile and asked, "Where did we leave off yesterday?" **

** "You just sent Angelus to Europe so he could get his soul back and James was being completely hands off." **

** "Ah, yes. Sit, eat some, drink some," Fawn ordered. "Jamesy, you start today while I eat." **

** "Yes, princess." **

** He sat down and she settled onto his lap. She ate while he got started. **


	9. Chapter 9

****Hey, faithful followers! I'm TOTALLY not pressuring you to review because I'll update it whether you review or not, but I'm just going to say that I really do love hearing what my readers think of certain things and how they react and TBH one of the other fandoms (The Walking Dead) spoiled me a little when it came to expecting whether they liked something or completely hated it. So if you have strong feelings, leave me a little review, and, even though I never won't update, I update faster when you review! Thank you so much for continuing to read!** **

I couldn't touch her after we sent Angelus to get his soul back. I knew I didn't deserve her. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn't. And it was frustrating for her. My bunny had never been the most patient of women, but when she decided that she had forgiven me, she lost all pretense of wanting to be celibate and careful. Fawn, though she'd learned a lot in all of her years living, had never fully learned to control her emotions and hormones. So, when she decided she wanted something, she was a dangerous little thing.

"Jamesy." She had the sweetest purr. It was throaty and light, almost a growl, but with a giggle in it.

"What, bunny?" I was in the library, trying to ignore her. But, apparently, seventeen years was way too long for her to go without contact.

"Come to bed, please. I want to go to bed."

"Bunny, the night just started. It's too early to sleep. Are you alright?" I didn't look away from the book I was holding.

"I'm fine. I'm just bored. Please. It's been a very long time, Jamesy. I want to go to bed with you."

I heard her feet pad across the floor before she pressed her front to my back. She wrapped her arms around my waist and I let go of the book with one hand to pat hers. "We're not going to bed, bunny. You have to find a different way to amuse yourself for a few hours."

"But, Jamesy…"

"Fawn, I said no." I closed the book and turned around to stare down at her. Her arms were still wrapped tight around my waist. "We're not climbing into bed together."

"James, we haven't been in bed together for seventeen years. Don't you think that's a little too long? Come on. It's 1930. Let's celebrate that women can wear dresses that show their ankles. Aren't you titillated by my ankles, Jamesy?"

"I'm titillated by the idea of us having some lunch." I pressed a kiss to her forehead and she pulled away with a deep set frown.

"James, I've forgiven you. You've decided you want to stay with me. Can we please do all that stuff we used to do? I'll even give you a nibble," she bargained.

"Absolutely not. Come on, bunny. We're getting lunch. I'll let you feed me and you can practice magic while I go out for a bit."

"You have to go out?"

"I have to go out, bunny. Come on. Let's go."

I pulled her out of the library and to the kitchen where the lunch table was set for her, waiting for her to eat, as she was the only one in the house who actually needed to eat. I sat down and settled her on top of my lap so she could pout in a comfortable position. Her hand servants waited on her patiently and she was sullen while she ate, but she did eat. She'd never been one for hunger strikes. Then, I left her with her other knights and took my leave of her, for just a few hours. Just enough time to resist the urge to devour her. I did that often. Got up and left. So I could resist her for just a few more hours.

I didn't deserve her. I didn't earn her. Not in the way I should have. So, until I could deserve her, I did that. When I went on those walks, I didn't have a place in mind. I just walked until I thought the sun would be coming up soon, then I'd head home and climb into her bed, where she'd be sleeping peacefully. She'd curl into my body and nuzzle my neck with her nose and then she'd continue sleeping like it was nothing.

"Jamesy." The purr was gone. There was only a solemnness to her voice.

"Yeah, bunny?" She was tracing patterns on my bare back and her chin was pressed between my shoulder blades.

"Why are you seeking so hard to find a soul? That's what you're looking for, isn't it? That's why you read so often? You want to find a soul without the curse. But without me having to do it." She was so calm about it. Her fingernails never stopped tracing the curves of my back.

"What would make you think that, princess?"

"Because I know everything about you, Jamesy. And I know you think it's the only way you can deserve me. But it's not. I don't care if you have a soul or not."

I rolled over and she shifted so that she was strewn across my chest, her olive eyes staring down at me with worry. I took a deep breath and then let it out.

"We've been doing this too long, James. I can't keep this like it. I want us to be us. I want things to go back to how they were before you left with Angelus. What's keeping you stuck like this?"

I reached up and ran my fingers through all the blonde hair hanging loose. I avoided the topic and said instead, "You should have dark hair with all this olive skin. You should be darker my little Greek."

"I'm the Chosen one, my knight." Her fingers came up to run through my hair as well. "Now don't change the subject. What's going on with you? What's been going on with you?"

It took a moment to say it. To choke it out.

"Bunny, I really, truly don't deserve you. You chose me but you shouldn't have. You chose a blackened man. A man who has no soul. I want one so it doesn't hurt to feel this way about you. I want a soul so that my muscles don't scream when you touch me. I want a soul so that I can love you without aching. I want a soul so that I can adore you without my entire nature raging inside me. I feel like there are these two parts of me. One of them twisted, craving destruction throughout the world. The other craving you, and you only. Your safety, your well-being, your body, your soul. I want to know that I won't be able to hurt you. I want to know that I'll never be able to hurt you again."

"That's what it will take for you to forgive yourself?" Her eyebrows furrowed together and her perfect lips turned down in a frown.

"I don't know, bunny. But it's what it will take for me able to fully love you. It's what it will take for me to be able to be with you for the rest of eternity without fearing what will happen to you."

She nodded slowly and then said suddenly, "Then let me give you what you want. Let me give you back your soul."

I rolled away from her quickly and leapt from the bed. "No!"

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm not earning it if you give it back to me! I'm not deserving of it. I'm still not deserving of you!"

"You're an idiot." She didn't even leap up off the bed. She just sat up, her curls falling down around her face and her lips curled into an irritated sneer. "You're a bloody fucking idiot."

"And you're spoiled, but I love you anyway." The sneer fell off her face and her head cocked to the side like a confused puppy.

"What?" I demanded.

"That's the first time you've actually said it." Her voice regained her usual, airy tone.

"What?"

"That's the first time you've actually said 'I love you.' Usually it's 'so I can love you' or 'I can't love you.' And you said it in the middle of an argument, you selfish beast! You're the only person who has ever loved me and you said it during an argument!"

She wasn't mad enough for things in the room to float, which was an improvement from her usual temper. So I took the risk and argued back, "You've known since I got back from my time with Angelus that I've loved you. It's no surprise, bunny."

"No surprise! Clearly it is to one of us! You're having yourself a fit trying to figure out whether you want to love me or not. Whether you need a soul or not. Guess what, Jamie! You want a soul, I'll give you a soul. And it will burn and break and hurt. And you will beg me to take it back. And I will. Because I can't see you hurting! So go get my stuff and I'll give you a damn soul again, Jamesy. Go get my stuff so I can take the pain away. Please, James." Her voice broke and all of the fight went out of me. She sniffled and I took the seat beside her on the bed. I pulled her onto my lap and wrapped her tight in my arms.

"Bunny, I want to take care of you. I don't want you to have to do this. I didn't want you to give me my soul because I didn't know how to ask you for it. I didn't want you to be the one to give me something that I'm going to give back to you. I wanted to give you a gift. My heart, my mind, and my soul. I didn't think I could do that unless I got it from somewhere else."

"That's so stupid, James. If you want a soul, let me give it to you. Let me give you what you want. That's all I ever want to do."

"Bunny, I can't do that."

"Do it or I'll go behind your back and do it."

"It's hard to go behind my back when I'm with you all the time."

"Not when you're out on your little wandering sprees."

"You wouldn't do that. You'd wait until I was here. So you could walk me through having a soul again. So you could be there to nurse me and take care of me."

"So you're agreeing to it. You want me to give you your soul back."

"You're putting words in my mouth, my princess."

"Let me do it, Jamie. You don't want to be wandering around when you get a soul. You want to be here with me. That should be my gift. My gift should be that you're here with me, so that I can protect you and care for you the way you've protected and cared for me all these years. Plus, if you get a soul from anyone else, I'll take it away and do it myself."

"Brat."

"I'll do anything to have you back with me. It will be the last of your penance towards me. Then, we can get on with our lives."

"I'm not exactly alive, bunny."

"Then, your unlife. But we're going to get on with it. Give me this. Let your final act of penance be me causing you the worst pain you can ever imagine. Then, let me be the one at your side for the rest of my life."

"And the rest of mine. Because, when you leave this earth, I leave this earth. This I promise you."

She pulled her face out of the crook of my neck and smiled up at me softly. She ordered, "We start tomorrow. Father should be interested in this."

"Great. It will take us longer than tomorrow if we're going to get your Father's blessing."

"You and I both know Father will bless what I ask for. Now. Would you like to sleep again?"

"Yes, please, bunny."


	10. Chapter 10

I was ecstatic that James was allowing me to give him his soul back. I prepared for days. Father blessed it immediately, but warning me that James's new soul mustn't get in the way of protecting me or I'd be in charge of getting rid of it. I agreed and Father got me all of my supplies and cleared the house for us, cleaned it out so that we could have our privacy while we were doing our ritual.

"Bunny, I know very well that I do not have to take my shirt off for this!"

"It's my spell, Jamesy. My ritual. And I want you to take your shirt off for it. This is a very serious ritual."

"You just want me to take my shirt off. And you've been talking to far too many trashy demons from the South."

"Fine. Don't take your shirt off. But do get inside the circle of candles. And be very careful not to burn yourself."

He rolled his eyes and sat across from me in the circle. He asked, "We have to do all this? I've been watching you return souls since 1863 and you've never done this before."

"Yes, dear. Because before I was cursing people. Now, I am gifting you. I'm easing the pain. This is a gift of love, not a tool of vengeance."

"So you're making it to where we can have sex?"

"Yes, a lot of sex. Now, hush. This takes a lot of focus."

The ritual was fairly easy. It took a deep concentration and a lot of chanting, on my side and on James's, but it worked. And, when it did, I thought I was going to die. I could tell the second the soul filtered back into his immortal body. He was sitting with his legs crossed beneath him and his body bowed backwards. He nearly broke himself in half. His head almost touched the ground.

"James!" I extinguished the candles with a wind and jumped up quickly to grab him, to pull him back upwards to face me. His face was contorted in agony and his mouth was twisted in a silent scream. "James! It's okay. It's okay. I've got you. It's okay."

"God, Fawn. It hurts. I've done so much." Tears streaked his face and he grabbed me tight, yanking me to his body so he could bury his face in my chest. "I've hurt so many people."

"But you've never hurt me. And you'll never hurt people again. Come on, sweetheart. We're going to the bedroom."

I stood up and reached down to grasp his wrists and pull him up. I looped one of his arms around my shoulder and put mine around his waist so I could support him while he went through the pain of the soul taking root in his body. I half dragged him, half helped him limp back into our bedroom, where I put him on the bed and let him curl into my body so he could sob and I could run my fingers through his hair, trying to calm him. Even though my heart was pounding in my throat. "James, sweetest, my dearest, my knight. Everything is okay. I can take it back if it hurts too bad."

"Don't you dare take it back," he growled through gritted teeth. His fingers dug into my rib cage in his attempt to hold me as tightly as possible and I could feel the bruises forming. But I didn't say anything. I let him hold me that tight so he could squeeze out the pain, so he could pass it on to somebody else. "I can do this. I can live through this. The guilt comes first."

I kissed his forehead and let him wrap tighter around me. He wracked with the sobs and shook with the agony, and I let him until he had completely ran through his afterlife. Until he'd remembered every single mistake he'd made. Until he'd remembered every person he'd hurt. Then, the second aspect of having a soul settled over him. He raised his head up and stared at me, studying me slowly. He rolled over so that he was straddling me and his hands began tracing through my hair, over my face, across my shoulders.

"You're the most beautiful woman in eternity. I love you. I love you and it doesn't hurt to love you." His voice was incredulous, admiring, worshipping. "I love you."

"I love you," I replied, thankful for the loss of the grip he'd had on my waist. I could feel the bruises on my rib cage.

"I love you so much."

"And I love you. So much. I've been waiting a millennia for you. Only you. My white knight."

"My princess."

** "You gave him back his soul and he accepted it happily?" **

** "He wanted his soul back." **

** "She gave me my damn humanity back," James spat out. "She gave me relief from loving her. I was burning alive every single day I was with her, and when she made me whole again, I burned in a different way. I burned for her. She was mine. And I was fully hers. For the first time in the long time we'd been together, I was hers." **

** "So you ran out and got married?" **

** "No, we've only been married since 1961. The year the Vietnam War started. But we started planning in 1959." **

** "Took her three damn years for us to get married. I wanted her to marry me straight away. She and her Father wanted to plan an extravagant, beautiful wedding. It was worth it though. Only plan to get married one time in my damn afterlife and she wanted to do it right." **

** "How did you get married? I just don't get it." Buffy sputtered. **

** "Her Father wanted to marry her but she wanted him to walk her down the aisle and we wanted a mix of human wedding ceremony and demon ceremony, so that we could celebrate both of our cultures. So we had a demon marry us officially at sunset. There were 300 guests in attendance. Then, only 100 of them were invited to the feast and the ball afterwards. We were seen off in a limo and the neighbors called us communists. It was nice." **

** "It was beautiful." **

** "Best day of my life." **

** "See, Buff, I told you you'd like their story," Angel teased. **

** "I want to hear about the wedding. Proposal and everything," Buffy demanded to the amusement of Angel. **

** "Your turn, sweetheart," Fawn commanded from her seat on James's lap. **

** "Fine, fine. Hand me my drink first, princess." **


	11. Chapter 11

I asked her to marry me because I was scared I was going to lose her. Billiards got big in the town we were in the 1950's and she was in love with it. It was good for her in one way, she'd found a hobby in a time when she'd been bored to tears. We left the south in the 1950's and moved to California. During the day, we couldn't be out with her, so she'd wander the town. She'd go straight into the pool halls and that's where I'd find her at sundown. She'd be watching them, studying it, staring at them and trying to solve how they could get the balls to do exactly what they asked them to without magic. She was fascinated by it. Intrigued. So, as a present, her father hired her a demon to teach her how to play pool. He considered hiring a human but thought demons would be better suited to the way she threw fits. I watched her get ready for her first lesson.

"Must I wear the pink one? Can't I wear the black one?" She was twirling around, looking at herself in the mirror in our bedroom. Her blonde hair was piled atop her head and tied with a neat little ribbon. Her white shirt was carefully ironed, her skirt was flowing and just below her knees, and her lips were painted with the bubblegum pink lipstick I hated. One of the worst things about changing styles was that she always wanted to try them. I would have preferred her in the fashion of her people. Togas.

"No, bunny. The black one is too tight. Your knife is fairly obvious when you wear the black one. Plus, you're going to a billiards lesson. Not out dancing with me." I was laying on the bed, flipping through a Better Homes and Gardens magazine and contemplating the huge article about marital bliss due to fantastic housewives.

"Are we going out dancing though?" She twirled around and the skirt twisted around her knees and I thought of the blonde actress everybody was mooning over at the time.

"Yep. Sunset, on the dot. I'll meet you at the dance hall. And don't be late this time, bunny. It's irritating to be there without you. The girls of this generation are pointy and giggly. It's like being in a room with toddlers with tits."

She snorted and climbed onto the bed to straddle me. I tossed the magazine aside and informed her, "You're not going to start this because you're not going to want to be late, princess. You don't like to stay at home with me anymore."

"Oh, are you jealous?" she pretend pouted.

"Of course I'm not jealous. You're my woman and everybody in this damn world should know that."

"Possessive much, sweetheart?"

"Very. At least I don't mark you like the other men of this era mark their women."

"Yes, you're an old fashioned demon. Why don't you come with me, sweetheart?"

"Because it's daylight outside and I don't quite feel like bringing my umbrella out today. It's nothing, princess. I know you need a hobby. I'm glad you have one."

"Okay. I'll see you at the dance hall. Sunset, sharp."

She wasn't at the dance hall at sunset. Or an hour after sunset. After the third giggly blonde bitch danced around me, I decided to leave before I had myself a snack. I walked to the pool hall and found her in the worst position I'd ever found her before. She was bent over the pool table with a tall, blonde vamp stretched over her body, his arm bracing against the table and his other arm bent around her to grasp the stick. Every inch of her body was covered by an inch of his and I could smell the alcohol on her. I growled, "What the fuck do you think you are doing, Fawn?"

The vamp let go of her and stepped back. He said quickly, "You should calm down. She is here on her own and has been for a while."

"And what the fuck do you think you are doing with my woman?" I stalked across the floor in smooth strides and went toe to toe with him.

"Look, she wasn't exactly fighting me off, square. So I'd talk to her about it before I came over here swinging on me."

"She's none of your business. I'd clear out of here if I were you. I'm her royal guard, and even if the princess doesn't mind you touching her, her father, Bantheazar, will have you strung up and tortured for the mere thought of your hands on her body."

"You seem like a lot more than her royal guard. Does Bantheazar string up her guards for daring to lay their hands on her body? Or are they allowed to pass her around like a whore?"

"That was a bad idea." I didn't have to do anything. I just stood as Fawn snatched the pool stick off the table and broke it in half over her knee. She staked him through the heart clumsily, barely getting it in his heart. She looked over at me and sighed deeply before saying, "He was teaching me how to do a trick shot, James."

"He had his hands on your body, Fawn."

"So he could adjust my frame. Come on, Jamesy. We're going home." The mortals watched in awe as she dropped the broken pool stick in the pile of ash and stepped over it daintily. As soon as we made it outside, I started in on her again.

"Fawn, you were supposed to meet me at the dance hall an hour and a half ago."

"And I got caught up playing pool. I thought the game would end sooner and I kind of lost track of the time."

"Bullshit, Fawn. You can read decisions. You had to know that playing pool with that demon would be a bad decision. You did it anyway. You're more addicted to this game than you were to alcohol."

"Oh, great. We have to bring the alcohol back into it! Does that mean I get to bring up your past poor decisions as well? Is that what we're doing right now?"

"Go ahead, Fawn. Go ahead and discuss them. I left you one time. I made a mistake. You've been constantly doing this to me lately. You're losing interest in me. I'm just another one of your pets. I just managed to last a little longer."

She spun around on the dark street and jabbed her finger into my chest. She sneered, "You are not a pet to me, James. Forgive me for not wanting to spend my eternal life sitting at home with you or out in some dance hall with those squares. I want to be out experiencing this new decade. The sin, the fun, the drinking. Some of these people have no idea what rests in their lives in the next few years. And I get to see it all!"

"Stop shutting me out then! Let me see it with you! But good god, stay out of the fucking pool halls without me. I can't go to those places until dark. So until dark go somewhere that isn't going to get you groped by strangers!"

"If you're going to boss me around so much, why don't you just marry me so you can legally tell me what to do in this fucking century?"

"What is going on with you? This can't just be about you wanting to experience the dark side of this century. What is going on?" I grabbed her shoulders to stop her from poking me in the chest and she went limp in my arms. "What do you need?"

"I need to be human! For just a few years. I miss going out in the daylight. I miss talking with people. I hear all this stupid talk about getting married and having babies and you're always reading those stupid magazines that are all about babies and getting married and I want that! I want the house with the blue shutters and the white picket fence and I want us to mow the yard and drink lemonade and do all that stupid shit!"

I was shocked. Taken aback. In all the years I'd known her, she always seemed more than human. More than any living being. She was greater. Far greater. But, at that moment, she was a tiny human woman, set adrift in a world of immortals, not taught how to handle it. Only taught that she had to. She never had the chance to be a human woman, because she was always so busy being the Chosen One. I pulled her into my arms and asked, "Bunny, I can't build a picket fence or mow the lawn in the daytime, but we can do it all at night and pretend it's the day. I'll drink all the fucking lemonade you want to drink. Let's get married."

"You can't marry me just because I'm upset," she hiccupped. "Marriage is forever."

"And you think I don't want to spend forever with you, princess? Gaining a soul wasn't enough proof of that? Marriage is just another way of forever. Let's get married. Buy a house. Get a couple kids. The whole shebang."

"We don't even have a ring," she protested but her voice was less of a sob and much more calm.

"I'll ask your father for permission tomorrow and then I'll get a ring. You just need to start planning. And no more being wild in the pool hall without your fiancé. Okay, princess?"

"Okay. But we're still going to play pool, right?"

"Of course."

"Okay, sweetheart. Let's go home for the night and start planning."

She was happy. I dug through the treasure trove of jewelry her father possessed and found a ring for her and she planned her little heart out for the wedding.


	12. Chapter 12

** "And the babies? Did you get the whole dream?" Buffy interrupted. **

** "We had one child. A little girl." Fawn's face was wrought with sadness suddenly and James wrapped his arms around her tighter. **

** "You were able to have a child?" Buffy asked. Angel turned his face away from her quickly. **

** "We adopted. We thought it was best not to try for one. Though we could have if we'd wanted to," James replied, still rubbing Fawn's back. **

** "Why didn't you?" **

** "We weren't sure how they'd turn out," James replied. "With her being immortal and me being a vampire, we weren't sure what the kid would be." **

** "So you adopted? When did you adopt?" **

** "She was born in 1961 but we adopted her in 1964, when she was three," Fawn spoke up. "We were great parents. Even she thought so. She had a rebellious stage in the seventies. 1977 was a big year for her. She tried illegal substances for the first time. She didn't know that she had three guards at that party. She was only seventeen. But before her little rebellion, we were closer than peas in a pod. I was up with her in the mornings, and Jamesy started waking up earlier so that he could be with her, spend time with her and the like. He read her bedtime stories. Dara would throw a fit if I tried to read them to her. She was a complete daddy's girl." **

** "Dare bear loved her mommy just as much. She wanted to be just like her. She even studied literature when she went to college. She was just perfection." **

** "Is she still around?" Buffy asked. "She'd only be in her thirties now." **

** Fawn turned away from Buffy and Angel and buried her face in James's shoulder. James explained, "We wanted to make her invincible. We wanted to make her immortal. But we left it up to her, and she didn't want it. She loved the life she grew up with. She had vampires and demons who were like her uncles and aunts. But she met a boy. A boy that she didn't want to change. She didn't want him to become a demon or live forever like her mother. She saw what it did to Fawn and she wanted more of a normal life. So we gave that to her." **

** "And what then?" **

** "She was in a car crash a few years ago," Fawn said softly. "She didn't make it. We tried to save her but she didn't want to hold on. I think she knew what it would mean if she held on. That we would make her like us." **

** "It still hurts. The two of us know that eternity heals feelings. But I don't think that we'll ever stop hurting over our Dara." **

** "Will you tell me about her?" Buffy asked carefully. "What was she like? What was it like to raise her?" **

** "It was the most frustratingly beautiful thing in the entire world," James chuckled. "We raised her in two worlds. The demon world and the human world, as much as possible. They loved her. They didn't like to admit it, but every demon that served Fawn and her father adored Dara. They never dared to let a thing happen to her." **

** "She adored them too. You should have seen her running up and down the halls with vamps chasing her. Their faces twisted and sneering the whole way. Most people would be terrified. Dara thought it was hilarious. We let her go to public school for a while when she was older, but it wasn't good for her. Well, it was fine for her, but it gave us some problems with humans. She chatted a lot about our home life and we got some calls from some teachers. So we homeschooled her. It was a lot better." **

** "We taught her demon lore and vampire lore and mythology and everything we could about the human world and the vampire world. She took all the state tests. She was considered a genius. Made it into Harvard. Not an easy task back in those days. Even during her rebellious stage, she still excelled at her homework. She was perfect. She double majored in classic English literature and Chemistry. She was incredible." **

** "She spoke five languages by the time she was twelve," James chimed in. "Anybody who says the child of a demon can't live a normal life is an idiot. Dara loved her home. She loved her family. And her family loved her. We took care of her. She never wanted for anything. She had it easier than most kids in that respect." **

** "And it helps with school when your mom was around when Algebra was invented." **

** James and Fawn smiled sappily at one another and kissed. Buffy groaned, "So that's your great big love story?" **

** "Slayer, we've been together over a hundred years. Our great big love story isn't half over. She's over a thousand years old and she could have had any man that fell into her lap. She could have chosen anyone. But she chose a fledgling vampire that showed up out of the blue, ready to eat her. And she fed me. She took care of me. She let me into her life. That's all I needed. And that's all the two of you need. To let each other in." **

** Fawn nodded wisely. Buffy asked, "But can you tell us that everything is going to be like you? That things are going to turn out happy and perfect." **

** "Absolutely not, bunny. Don't even consider thinking about it," James warned. He turned to look at Angel and Buffy and continued, "She can't tell you that things are going to turn out. She can't tell you what's going to happen in her life. She can only tell you if the next decision is going to be good or bad." **

** "Well, is it then?" Buffy questioned. **

** "It will make you happy," Fawn said vaguely. "You will be utterly happy. I don't know past that." **

** "Do you promise?" Buffy asked. **

** "I don't lie," Fawn promised. "I'm sorry. But I don't lie. I wish I did sometimes." **

** "Don't think on it, bunny," James whispered. **

** "You will be happy," Fawn swore again. **

** "The sun will be coming up soon, Angel, Buffy," James announced. He scooped his cup up off the table and drained the last of the blood from it. Fawn did the same with her glass of wine. **

** "It was so lovely to meet you, Buffy." Fawn rose from James's lap and crossed the table to shake her hand and pull her up into a hug. "The next time we're back in the states, we'll look you up, okay?" **

** "Thank you, for everything," Buffy replied in Fawn's tight embrace. **

** "No, please don't. Please don't thank me. Just thank you. For visiting. For listening. Goodbye, Buffy." Fawn smiled at Angel and floated out of the room, graceful as ever. Like an ever moving saint.**

** "She's tired," James explained. "Thank you for stopping by. It helps her to tell her story sometimes. To talk to people. She was very excited to meet you, Buffy. She'll talk forever about how she met the Slayer." **

** Buffy smiled and left with Angel, both of them feeling better about their relationship. James went up to his bedroom where his wife was sobbing into a pillow. He crawled into bed with her and murmured, "You have to stop doing these things, bunny. They're killing you." **

** "I'm killing people." **

** "You're not, sweetheart." **

It was months later that Buffy found herself in front of the house again, tears staining her cheeks. It was empty. Dark. Nobody had lived there for months. She'd gone there when Angel lost his soul again. She'd searched out the Chosen One and her lover, to no avail. They were nowhere. She screamed, "You promised me I'd be happy! You swore to me that I'd be happy! Why!? Why would you do that to me? Why would you let me think he'd be alright? Why couldn't you just tell me?"

They were the last words spoken in Sunnydale before she took the bus out of town.


End file.
